Wellness Wednesday Newsletter

This Week's Theme: What’s On Your Plate?

I’m moving a little slower than usual this week thanks to a nasty, nasty sciatica flare-up. It’s also why this email is reaching your inbox a little later than usual.

For the past two weeks, I’ve had to hand off more than I normally would. My husband has been picking up the slack, no complaints, just quietly doing it.

And it’s had me thinking a lot about partnership. Specifically, who’s carrying what right now, and whether you and your partner have actually talked about it, or just fell into it.

A Note from Me I can’t do what I’d normally do right now. My husband has stepped in. In another season, it’ll probably be me picking up his slack instead. That’s just how it goes. But it made me think about something I see constantly with the couples I work with, especially during engagement.

Planning a wedding is a lot of invisible work. Vendor emails, appointments, payments, the seating chart, family questions, timelines, and all the little things someone has to remember. And more often than not, the bride ends up holding a lot of it. Not because anyone decided that on purpose. It just happens.

Here’s the part that I’ve been thinking about: the wedding ends, but the habit doesn’t necessarily end with it.

Once you’re used to carrying everything, your partner can get used to you carrying everything too. The specific list changes. House, jobs, money, holidays, family, maybe kids eventually. But the pattern can keep going if nobody stops to look at it.

I don’t think 50/50 at all times is the goal. Some seasons your partner carries more. Right now, mine does. In another season, I’ll probably need to carry more.

What matters is whether that’s a choice you’re both making, or something that happened because it’s always been that way.

Wellness Tip: Have a CEO Date One thing running a business has taught me is the importance of occasionally stepping outside of the day-to-day and looking at how everything is functioning as a whole. I think our relationships need that too.

Marriage is obviously about love, connection, friendship, and building a life with someone. But it’s also two people figuring out how to run that life together. Sometimes you have to step outside of the love channel for a minute and look at the practical side.

What’s working? Where are the bottlenecks? What isn’t working? What has been sitting there bothering one of you that you haven’t actually talked about? And what’s going really well that you want to keep doing?

Because when we don’t have those conversations, resentment can start to creep in.

That’s where the CEO Date comes in.

I recommend getting out of the house if you can. Grab coffee, go to breakfast, find a quiet corner at the library, or even book a conference room somewhere. Errol and I have done this ourselves, and honestly, the conference room was our favorite.

The goal isn’t really where you go. It’s getting away from the everyday interruptions long enough to actually focus on each other and the conversation. At home, it’s easy to notice the laundry, start cleaning the kitchen, answer an email, or get distracted by the hundred other things asking for your attention.

If you can give yourselves an hour or more, I recommend it. But I also know that finding an uninterrupted hour together isn’t always realistic. I’ve worked with couples who have been able to sit down and really dig into these conversations, and I’ve worked with others where simply finding the time is the biggest obstacle.

So break it down.

If all you have is twenty minutes, use the twenty minutes. The conversation is more important than having the perfect CEO Date.

You also don’t have to talk about your entire relationship in one sitting. Pick one thing.

Maybe this CEO Date is simply about what’s on each of your plates. What are you responsible for right now? What is your partner responsible for? Is there something you’re carrying that they don’t even realize you’re carrying?

If you feel like you’re carrying more than your partner most of the time, this can be a chance to lay it all on the table without waiting until you’re frustrated enough for it to come out during an argument. What do you need? What do they need? Is there something that needs to shift?

The next CEO Date might be about your goals. What do you want the next three months to look like individually and as a couple? You can even start thinking about your life in quarters and checking back in on those goals together.

Another one might be about money, chores, what food you need for the week, family boundaries, health, travel, or how you’re spending your time. There are so many ways you can use this time.

And during engagement, I think there are some especially important conversations to have. What do you want to leave behind from your boyfriend/girlfriend era? What habits aren’t serving you anymore? What do you want to intentionally carry into your marriage?

This isn’t about turning your relationship into a business meeting. It’s about creating enough space to look at the life you’re building together instead of constantly being caught up in running it.

Your engagement isn’t just wedding logistics. It’s also where you’re building some of the habits you’ll carry into your marriage, whether you mean to or not.

Thanks for spending part of your Wednesday here. I’m taking my own advice this week, slowing down and letting someone else carry a little more.

Want Some Guidance With Your CEO Date?

If you’re reading this and thinking, We could probably use this, but I don’t even know where to start, I can help.

I have a few of my $49 Wedding Wellness Strategy Sessions remaining this month. We can use your session to guide you through a Couples CEO Date, figure out what conversations need your attention, and identify what might need to shift as you move toward married life.

You can come by yourself or bring your partner. The session is still $49 either way.

Claim one of the remaining sessions below.

Thanks for spending part of your Wednesday here. I’m taking my own advice this week, slowing down and letting someone else carry a little more.

Talk soon,
​Mariana Santiago-Jimenez, HWC